Desperate for ideas: Hipster Halloween rerun

October 30, 2009

halloween Throw away the skinny jeans and snap open that plaid cowboy shirt that’s your costume the other 364 days a year. October 31 is the one night a year that you can get away with an ironic, if not just a touch slutty, outfit.

Halloween may create images of children going door to door collecting candy, but we all know it’s the best holiday for adults. You don’t have to give anyone any thing and it’s the one night where over drinking potions is perfectly acceptable. However, aside from the old standbys, such as vampires, pimps and prostitutes, if you’re going to use some sort of cultural icon, it needs to be less than six months old: We just don’t think Sarah Palin or Barack Obama is funny any more and all you’ll really look like is a douche.

Here are a few ideas, totally approved by us.

Solo costumes

Michael Jackson: He’s iconic and he’s dead. Think “Thriller” zombie or Pepsi hair fire and you’re off to a good start. Just pick a moment in time and be that Micheal, just remember, the farther back in time you go, the blacker you’ll need to be. Don’t forget to add a few prescription bottles in your pocket for pill popping the night away. Ironic twist: Be Micheal trying to be LaToya.

Balloon Boy: It’s the cliche of 2009. A few mylar balloons and constant denial that you are not a hoax will cut it. Add a bad haircut or an abused Asian friend to be a full couple. Ironic twist: Groups can go as the whole family, Dad needs to shout a lot and the other two boys need to deny everything.

Billy Mays: People forget that the King of Television Crap also died this year. Black out a beard, grab a box of Oxi Clean and sell, sell, sell. To add a morbid side, toss in a piece of luggage and say that’s what fell on your head. Ironic twist: Be Billy Mays in a Snuggy — saying it’s the one commercial that got away.

Vince Shlomi: Better known as the ShamWow guy, this costume doesn’t require much make up. Just get a headset, black golf shirt and a ShamWow. It’s the perfect costume for a party host, as you always have something on hand to clean up a quick mess. Ironic twist: Couples can go as Vince Shlomi and Sasha Harris, the prostitute who bit Shlomi’s tongue. Just add some bite marks on Shlomi’s face and give Harris two black eyes and swollen lip.

Octomom: Tie eight dolls to your waist and drag them behind you like tin cans at wedding. Any time someone asks you something, just ask about your pending reality show and spit any time someone mentions John and Kate. Ironic twist: Carry around a picture of Brad Pitt and talk about the plastic surgeon you’ve been seeing to help transform you into Angelina Jolie. Crazy is as crazy does, so just mention that it would have been easier to adopt.

Swine Flu: Be creative. A pig in a lab coat might be a good start. You should also carry around syringes filled with Jaegermeister that can be quickly dispensed to help save fellow party goers. Ironic twist: Bring a few dolls of babies and randomly sneeze on them, then throw them onto to floor, while shouting “Die!” or “Dead, dead, dead.”

Illegal Alien: It’s simple and stirring up controversy, so why not join in the fun. The orange jumpsuit, green card and alien mask was made for kids, but smaller adults can easily fit in it. Ironic twist: Getting beat up on the way home by your own gardener.

Couples: jon+and+kate+plus+8+02

Jon and Kate: The plus eight is not necessary. Simply wear a T-shirt and skinny jeans with a black wig to be Jon and buy the Kate wig easily available. Then Jon can randomly look at other women’s butts and Kate can incessantly cut him off. Ironic twist: Kate can carry a jar with two balls in it and Jon hold up a mirror to look at himself as often as possible.

Micheal Jackson and MJ’s doctor: A simple MJ costume for one (see above) and the partner wears a white lab coat with a prescription pad. Fill bottles with Good n Plenties, label them “Jesus Candy” and become the life of the party. Make sure MJ plays the part and keeps coming back to the doctor and asks for something to help him sleep, help him dance, help him talk to children. Ironic twist: Costume could also be Anna Nichole Smith and her doctor, Marilyn Monroe and her doctor, Rush Limbaugh and his maid, and so on. alg_kayne_west_taylor_swift

Kanye West and Taylor Swift: Dark sunglasses and a mesh shirt should cover Kanye and a short dress and curly hair will make Taylor. All you need now is a MTV music award and have Kanye steal it as often as possible. Can also work for drinks, food and anything else. Just shout, “Beyonce had a the best drink in the world,” grab the cocktail and run away. “Beyonce had the best wings in the world,” and run. Ironic twist: Taylor Swift gives Kanye a record deal for his new song: “Bush hates Blacks.”

Don and Betty Draper: The stars of Mad Men have about the simplest costumes around. Grab a puffy skirt, bobby socks and a blonde wig and Betty is pretty much done. Then wear a dark suit, skinny tie and white shirt and Don is done. Find some old copies of Variety or Life magazine and show people the ads you’ve created. Ironic twist: Paint both faces blue and say you died of smoke inhalation in 1967.

Youtube wedding dancers: Sure, their 15 minutes are up, but the touching youtube wedding wedding_dance_600 dancers struck a memorable chord with so many people. So if you have a group of people heading out to a wedding, each should enter the party dancing like crazed lunatics and see how many people cry. Don’t forget to have matching bouquets. Ironic twist: Actually be able to dance.

Miley and Billy Ray: It’s Miley — and her creepy Dad, who loves Miley just a little too much. Add a Hanah Montana pin to the dark hair and people should pick up on who you are. As for Dad, a basic cowboy outfit should do it, but include a wife beater T under the plaid shirt and then walk around saying how you hope your daughter doesn’t hurt your achy breaking heart. Also, make out a lot, just to let people know you’re a loving father/daughter combo. Ironic twist: Mom arrives to complete this love triangle.

Feeling a little too smart for your own good, there are lots costumes we found that are just stupid enough that they might work, garner a guffaw or two and vampire_1 not cost you much to put together. However, we should point out, these are all pretty stupid. So if someone dresses up as a Fredian Slip, Joe SixPack or a Hipster, politely roll your eyes and walk away.

We haven’t included all of the store bought costumes available, but there are plenty to choose from. Whether looking for the Fench Maid or Tarzan, just make sure you’re fit enough to wear it — as Halloween should be scary in a good way, not that other way.

Costumes to buy:

Last minute vampire costumes: Halloween Express

Overly slutty costumes: Milanoo.com

Costumes for dogs (if you really have to do it): Costumecraze.co