Increasingly I’m finding more and more hotel rooms have a posted placards in the bathrooms asking us guests to “help them (the hotel) do their part in helping preserve the environment.”

What they’re asking us to do is spread out bath towels and wash cloths so they’ll dry rather than depend on housekeeping to pick them up daily for washing while dropping another complete set in the room as they’re cleaning. The hotel indicates that by doing this energy will be saved and less pollutants (like soap, power to run the washing machines, etc.) will be released into the atmosphere. They’ve even gone so far as to request you to ask that the bed not be changed

After giving this request some careful thought I’ve come up with the following response: “Kiss My Ass!” Just because I’m from Indiana doesn’t mean I left there yesterday! Jose Feliciano could see through this sham in a New York minute!

I’ll concede that in theory what the hotel is stating is correct. In reality, it’s a continuation of their policy to squeeze each nickel so tightly that bruises on the buffalo’s ass are visible with the naked eye. A lot of hotels are already skipping the process of changing sheets every day anyway – something that used to be the norm at every inn ranging from the cheapest dime-a-dance flophouse to five-star resorts in Monaco.

Add not having to take the time to swap out towels and what’s left for housekeeping to do besides empty wastebaskets filled with empty Cheetos bags and Snickers wrappers? A good deal of the time they don’t vacuum, either. Hell, as long as they’re spending time in my room – and I’m gone most of the day – they might as well take a nap!

I’d suggest they might as well take a shower and use my “recycled towels” but as small as some of the soaps have become the hotel would probably have to pop for another bar. Housekeeping probably has to account for every little sliver of soap that are so commonly found in hotel rooms. What’s the next phase – putting Dial Soap pump containers on the sink so they don’t have to be swapped out every time a guest checks out?

What I’m getting at is this: with all the labor-saving techniques hotels are implementing: Where’s the love? I don’t notice any reduction in some of the exorbitant rates hotels are charging. There are no complimentary chocolates left on the bed to thank me for helping them save the environment. Not a chance, Billy. The only thing I receive from the hotel is a bill shoved under my door in the middle of the night.

And what about you, Mr. or Ms. Human Resources person?  Think you’re getting away with something, do you? The quicker your housekeeping people can go through a hotel room the more rooms they can do in a day. Ergo, you’ll need to hire fewer people to clean the rooms. I don’t care whether the maid comes from Guatemala, Gary or Beverly Hills…they need that job no matter what it pays. Using the money you save to purchase more stuff for sale in guest rooms (everything from umbrellas to “intimacy kits”) doesn’t do a whole lot for the environment – or the economy. But it will happily assist your bottom line, won’t it!

As long as we’re on the subject of “saving the planet,” are all the cleaning supplies that are supposed to be used to freshen our rooms environmentally-friendly? Are the bristles on the toilet brush plucked from poor razorback that happened to be strolling in the wrong place at the wrong time? Did he suffer as his skin was being ripped from his fat body? Are the chemicals supposedly used to clean the bathroom floor and shower or tub good for Mother Earth and will do her no harm?
I think I’ve presented a good enough case to close my argument with this conclusion: If you want to save the environment so damned bad then do it! But don’t do it at my expense. I see nothing wrong with trying to help the earth. It’s a great place to live. I never took drugs in college but my brother did and according to him, he lived on a lot of different planets – and none of them could hold a candle to this place. But I want to do my part in my own way – not be dictated to by some corporate entity that’s already charging me (or my hosts) a lot of money and trying to find ways to extract more.
And I want a fresh towel every day.

Al dries off with old newspapers when at home to help eliminate harmful chemicals released when washing towels. Read his column every Monday here.

Related posts:

1. In a hotel room? Watch your glass.
2. How to save money on hotel rooms — book online, avoid taxes
3. Nonplussed traveler: Extra charges can wrinkle your sheets
4. Non plussed traveler: Let me sleep
5. Deals: Marriott’s losses, traveler’s gains