All Hail Steve Jobs – the greatest marketer in the world.

Today, at 1 p.m., he was brought out on a stage to allegedly reveal the much hyped and talked about, iPad – a flash memory computer screen that can use your wifi to surf the net.

The beauty of the $499 iPad, which is bound to fill coffee shops around the nation with scarf wearing socialites with nothing better to do than sit around coffee shops, is it doesn’t have a key board – proving that people who buy can’t even contribute 140 characters.

(Well, technically, they can “type” on it through the touch screen but even then it’ll be awkward with lots of misspelled words.)

As seen by the photographic evidence of Steve Jobs holding an iPhone, the bigger news today seems to be that Apple has created a giant shrinking ray gun. This, of course, was created after Steve Jobs saw the 1966 classic Fantastic Voyage.

Apple, no doubt, created this incredible machine to help keep Jobs alive after his recent bout with cancer and the revelation that Jobs, may in fact, be mortal.

Tags: iPad, Steve Jobs