The thing about gambling
I am not a good gambler.
Really, I’d like to be. I’ve stayed up late watching the World Series of Poker enough to know, I should be sitting at the final table, a pair of Aces at the ready, knowing, just knowing, that the guy across from me is over playing his Kings. Sucker, he’s going down.
In my mind, I’m that good. Calm and cool, sipping a Jack on the rocks, never giving away a tell.
But of course, I can’t even win at slots. I hit the button, pull the lever and watch my money disappear, usually pretty quickly, reliving that sudden rush of emotion when, this it, this is gonna be the one, as Jackpot/Jackpot/Seven unroll in front of me — and the silence of the machine says it all.
Maybe the slots should include a whaa, whaa, whammmm, every time you don’t win. That might slow me down a little. No body likes to be a punchline, much less pay for it.
Then I push that button again, the same rush, the same moment of “yes, here it comes” kind of feeling.Bar/Bar/Orange. Nothing again. I understand how gamblers become addicts. It’s not even the winning that does it. It’s the thought of winning. That elation of knowing you’re about to earn more than you really should — it’s legal stealing and all you did was pull a lever.
How often will I spin those wheels and actually expect something different than what actually happens? Oh sure, there have been the rare occassions, where I have won $50 on a single spin. But, for the most part, I’m more likely to get three crazy super wild jackpots side by side by side and then learn that they only pay out 1000 quarters if you bet three — I only bet one.(That recently happened to me.) Even as the machine takes my $20 bill, I already know it’s never going to come out.
But I hope.
So there I am this weekend in Atlantic City, once again, sitting in front of a slot machine, watching 
those wheels go round and round as I listen to everyone else’s machine win big bucks. The guy behind me had like a 1000 credits. Seriously, he couldn’t not win. He got up to adjust his pants and the machine gave him 50 credits. My machine hated me. It let me spin 20 times in a row with nothing. Not even a lousy 2 winner. It just took my money. There were no thank yous involved.
And it’s not like I’m asking for big winnings, I might like 10,000 quarters, but, really, I only park my car in front of a meter a few times a year. I don’t need that many. But 100 might be nice. Even a a 50 one time, just so I could soak up all of the envious stares around me as I sit back and listen to the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding coming out of my machine.
I don’t even know why casinos have so many slot machines. It’s not like I play them that often and every single person I have ever met has always told me about how much money they’ve one. Every one of them.They all win.
The casinos must be losing millions every day I don’t step in them. I’m shocked they’re still open after giving away so much money.
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