OK you maggots: A pair of bullets will always shoot up a pair of cowboys — and always fold that 7 / 2 off suite; a straight is impossible when four more cards are needed to complete it.

Now drop and give me 20 — no, make it $2000.

The World Poker Tour Boot Camp is coming to a casino near you — as long as one of those casinos are in New Jersey, Indianan, Nevada and California.

The two day camp promises to make you a better player — teaching you the ability to grow your stack by shrinking other people’s in Texas No Limit Hold’em.

With Poker Mania still having a hold on hipsters around the world who have stayed up late watching Rounders or just those old World Series of Poker episodes on the Travel Channel, thinking “oh, I could do that,” you mine as well actually learn that you can’t.

Poker is hard work and these pros can show you how much work goes behind determining pot odds, how to bet the table instead of your hand, when to hold them, when to fold them, when to walk away and when to run.

Here’s the full schedule of available classes from the World Poker Tour Boot Camp website, when we tried to find out how much the classes cost, the one we started to register for was $1,795.

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