Tilly declares innocence, plans to flee country
Reporters with Hipster Travel Guide attended a secret press conference held today in Orlando, Florida, by Tilikum, or “Tilly”, the killer whale, and his lawyer, Mr. Norm Glassberg, after the recent death of Tilly’s trainer, 40-year-old Dawn Brancheau. Brancheau worked with Tilikum , or “Tilly”, the killer whale, as his trainer, performing a water acrobatics and stunt show for SeaWorld visitors.
Tilly, dressed in a double-breasted black suit and pressed white dress shirt,
stood before a group of reporters and various media outlets, and read from a prepared statement . His lawyer stood by his side.
“I’ve been wrongfully accused,” Tilly said, tears streaming down his face. “I’m really a nice guy, once you get to know me. I’m just really, really big. Now I know what that guy Kevin Smith must have felt like, getting kicked off that plane. It’s just wrong.”
Tilly’s lawyer claims that the recent inundation of slanderous media reports has negatively affected his client’s marketability as both a mammal and an entertainer. “Just because my client has the word ‘killer’ in his name does not make him a murderer,” he said. “It’s really a double-whammy. Not only is my client losing tons of revenue now, but where can my client go to work after this, now that everyone thinks he’s a quote-unquote killer? The circus? It’s simply unjust.”
Tilly plans to sue the state of Florida and his employer, SeaWorld, for unfair practices, slander, and size-discrimination. When asked to explain further, Mr. Glassberg replied, “My client is innocent until proven guilty. The truth will come out at trial.”
A police search of Tilly’s locker at the SeaWorld facility resulted in the
discovery of blueprint designs for the construction of a raft, as well as several yards of tarp, a life vest and oar, and a detailed map of Cuba. Also found in Tilly’s locker was a piece of scrap paper with Roman Polanski’s name and cell phone number written on it. Speculation remains unclear as to any possible ties Tilly might have with the fugitive movie director.
Tilly is alleged to have killed his trainer at SeaWorld in Orlando last Wednesday during an after-hours performance.
Related posts:
