Today’s the day and still no one knows what’s going to happen. Health care or no care. After all, President Obama, aka, Hipster In Chief has been pushing for this for a while.
If you go out to your nearest independent coffee shop you’d learn most hipsters don’t know if they even have insurance and will say something like, “Yeah, whatever,” or “Cool,” or “Ask my mom.”
For the most part, the hipster generation could care less about the entire healthcare issue unless it comes with a cure for too many Saturday night PBRs and a free shaving of those ironic mustaches.
Oh, they’re not going study up on the issue, when you’re young and dumb smoke cigs because it matches your belt, healthcare is not a priority.
Now they could check out some of the big issues at places like The Christian Science Monitor, The Washington Post or Hipster Travel Guide.
Now, typically, we avoid chiming in on these sorts of issues — as no one is ever going to fully agree with the other side. However, we do think the hipster generation does need to protect itself — and get a few checkups along the way. For the most part, they live such an unhealthy lifestyle, they’re bound to be a big drain on the healthcare industry in the coming years.
So the hipster platform should be pretty simple.
1. Yes, healthcare should be free to everyone who deserves it.
2. Mocca lattes should be included in all treatments.
3. Prescription medication should continue to go hipster parents and left unlocked in the medicine cabinet.
4. Cigarettes should be sold in 5-packs — because it will mean less waste. Hipsters smoke outside of bars and then not again until the next binge drinking. (Cloves should be free.)
5. Weight limits should be strictly enforced and anyone unable to fit in to a 28-inch waist pair of skinny jeans should be disqualified from health care.
