Mother Earth needs your help, and once a year, we’re supposed to remember that. That’s so unfair.
While we all want to be good stewards for the planet, none of us really want to change any of our habits or do any real work, so we mark our calendars and throw a party (without using Styrofoam cups.
So as the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day kicks off — we’ve tried to come up with a few ideas that might help make the planet a little more hospitable and not really impact your life.
Watch An Inconvenient Truth: You can download this from NetFlix and be armed with all kinds of facts and figures and Earthy jargon to blurt out in any conversation. Then watch Al Gore go up in the cherry picker again and again. It’s kind of cool.
Recycle stuff: Keep all of your Monster Drink cans and vodka bottles for a month and then throw them in your neighbor’s recycling bin. This helps the planet and makes the garbage men think your neighbor has a problem.
Drink your own damn water: Those little water bottles may be convienient, but apparently land fills are filling up with these little plastic things. Instead, get a fashionable water bottle and then leave it on your desk at work. People will think you love the world.
Watch someone plant a tree: This used to be known as Arbor Day. Trees absorb CO2 and that’s good because Co2 is almost as evil as Spirit Airlines. While it may be too much work plant a tree yourself, what with the digging and all, you can still take a few minutes out of your schedule and watch someone else do it.
Don’t smoke: Oh, who are kidding, light ‘em up if you’ve got them and enjoy them. However, try not to smoke near little kids. Their parents can be so pushy about that. And if you can get a prescription for medical marijuana, do that too. It may not actually curb global warming, but, then again, you won’t care.
Say Earthy Things: Here are couple of things drop into conversations today:
“I’m doing fine, but the Earth, not so much.”
“Thank you, I’ll have a double latte nonfat soy and an end to global warming.”
“On my way to work, I was carpooling…”
“Yeah, that and CO2 suck.”
“I was going to come into work today, but I didn’t want to drive my car, my Mother (Earth) is sick.”
“There must be global warming because you look hot.”
