Loves the environment

There’s a lot of rancor over this whole oil spill thing down in the Gulf of Mexico.

And there should be, it’s a mess: 5,000 gallons of oil a day are pouring out into that pristine water, and the worst thing about this big oil spill is it could upset any vacation plans along the Gulf Coast.

OK, that may sound a little selfish and self serving. So, instead of complaining about all of the shrimp cocktails we won’t be able to eat for the months to come, every self respecting hipster should do something about it.

And that is: Shave your head.

Hair, it appears, is what BP and all of those government agencies are filling up up those buoys are chock full of. Hair, according to multiple media reports, is the best fiber in the world for obsorbing oil slicks. This might

Loves the environment

explain why so many people can have oil slicks on their heads.

Pet hair is also good, so any one with a big dog shedding it’s spring coat could collect up that fur and mail to BP to help. (Their address is 501 Westlake Park Boulevard, Houston, TX 77079 and they can use all of the help they can after shaving all of their Mexican employees of all — and we

Hates Mother Nature

mean all — of their body hair.

Other helpful things include used panty hose (for packing up the hair) as well as Dawn, which saved birds in Alaska and could now save them on the gold coast.

So if you see any person with long hair saying how upset they are about the whole BP thing, they’re lying. Shave your head, or shut up.

Tags: BP, disaster, environment, hipster, oil leak, oil spill