The travel industry has a lot of buzz words like “non-rev,” “stand-by,” “UM (unaccompanied 
minor)” and “MF” (grow up…it’s not what you think – it means must fly). But the term that most defines the way hotels feel about their “guests” says it all…rack rate!
What kind of narcissistic son-of-a-bitch ever invented a term like that to be used by a lodging industry? Did his idea for a “Soon To Be Dead” children’s ward at the hospital not catch on? Or how about the “Aren’t You Glad You Don’t Have Breast Cancer” lingerie line that was rejected by Victoria’s Secret? How far up his ass does someone’s head have to be to not think the term “rack rate” might be pejorative?
I first heard this term when I began traveling so it’s been around awhile. At first I thought it was some special rate the hotel had for the military. But when I watched a couple dressed in formal wear given this term I couldn’t believe it. Maybe I was a PR guy for too many years but when I hear abject stupidity like that it makes me cringe.
Why wouldn’t a hotel use a generic term like “base rate” or “standard rate?” Even as asinine as most airline decisions are at least they call their lowest fares “economy” or even “coach.” I can’t imagine too many people would feel comfortable with a ticket they bought in “trash 
class” or the “120-seat outhouse.” “Steerage” would have been a fairly acceptable term until the Titanic ruined that for everybody.
There are some other travel terms that I have an issue with. For instance, the word “terminal” for “final destination” of your flight. That’s just the word that some grief-stricken family wants to hear when they’re taking their cancer-riddled child to Memphis to check in to St. Jude’s Medical Center in the last hopes of saving its life. When the announcement is made, “We’ll be at the terminal in a few minutes,” you can just heard hearts cracking throughout the aircraft.
I’ve got another one for you…”We’ll be on the ground in 20 minutes.” That will certainly do nothing towards curing erectile dysfunction from some poor guy who is a fearful flyer. What’s wrong with just saying, “We’ll be landing in 20 minutes?” Words matter and never more than when it interferes with the mindset of human beings. That would be like a cruise ship announcement that “We should be running aground in about a half-hour.”
Another transportation industry term that actually speaks honestly about its intentions is “Gypsy Cabs.” Usually these drivers hang around baggage claim areas like crab lice around a brothel, offering rides for $20 that would normally cost $50 or more. It would be more honest if the drivers were outside the building, sitting in a circle around the campfire playing tambourines.
As Gunther Toody used to say on the old Car 54 Where Are You? television show, ooh…ooh…I have another one for you, Frances. How about the name “Super Shuttle?” What in the hell is so “super” about a beat-up Ford Econoline van who suspension system must have been a package not originally ordered by the company? There’s nothing like sitting in the fourth row of a fully-loaded van when it’s raining outside and the windows are perpetually steamed over?
Not only that, what else is “super” about making 12 different stops before getting to your destination? Look at it this way, Romeo…the shuttle operator possibly just made $20 each times 12 riders…and all you made was a mess in your pants because it took so long to get to 
where you are going that you couldn’t hold it in any longer. There’s a cost savings, isn’t it?
In case you’re from my home state of Indiana and can’t understand the gist of this rant…it’s this: universities and trade schools charge good money to educate its students in what seemingly should be every facet of the travel industry. However…as alluded to earlier…there’s one subject they’ve omitted from their curricula…common sense! Even a syphilitic politician has enough brain cells left to determine phrases and words that should not be used in public…and I’m not talking about the dialogue from South Park.
Everything you need to understand this subject is found in this piece. (Full disclosure: hurtful, yet mental-image terms are not just limited to the travel industry. My uncle, a retired doctor, says that people in the medical profession often talk about people sitting a wheelchair, forever locked in the “Q Position.” – in other words, sitting there slack-jawed with their tongues hanging out the corner of their open mouths, resembling the letter “Q.”
Perhaps a degree should be offered to deal with the exact subject I’ve been discussing in this piece. Maybe it could have the name of “Terminology in Transition” (TIT) or “Public Relations Is Considered Kind” (PRICK). Just use your head for something besides a self-induced colonoscopy, people. It has to hurt less.
Al still resents the term rack rate, though if the rack is really, really nice, he might not complain as much. His column appears here every Monday.
