Airline officials announced that starting after the much-traveled holiday weekend, all commercial air carriers will impose a new Limb Excise Guarantee, or L.E.G., tax. The hefty fee will bill each customer an additional charge of $9.95 per limb, adding a near $40 increase to any airline ticket price, assuming the purchaser is in ownership of two arms and two legs.
“We were having trouble thinking of new and creative ways to stick it to the consumer,” said Rex Wingspan, executive director of the Air Transport Association. “First it was hidden ticket processing fees, then no food on flights, and charging extra for checked bags. Then we thought, why not 
charge for the arms and legs themselves? It only makes good business sense. I think we’ve found a real winner with L.E.G.”
However, Wingspan acknowledges air travelers’ growing frustration with the onslaught of additional fees when flying.
“We appreciate our consumers and empathize with their situation,” he says. “We know the climate is a bit hostile, which is why we’ve decided to keep the additional charge under ten dollars a limb. That way, people will have enough money to buy a sandwich at the airport, or splurge for a pillow and blanket on the plane.”
When pressed for more information, Wingspan admitted that he has never set foot on a commercial airline nor does he plan on doing so in the near future. “I only fly on private jets. I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid,” he says.
Officials say the rising cost of fuel, coupled with the still stagnant economy, has forced the airline transportation industry to impose the L.E.G. tax. The added charge will guarantee all arms and legs will fly on board—not cargo—on any domestic or international flight. However, oversized limbs may carry any additional fine, up to $12.95 per limb, depending on size and girth.
Unemployed hand model Amie Elm from Seattle believes ATA’s decision to impose a limb-fee hike is a reasonable solution to boost the industry’s bottom line.
“It’s only fair,” she says. “I mean, like, if you really think about it, your arms and legs are like little extra bags, anyway, you know? And, like, most people forget that their limbs are a privilege, not a right. I can open beer bottles with my chest.”
The L.E.G. tax is expected to boost air transportation revenue by $2 billion but that won’t end additional fees hitting consumers.
The Airline Rejuvenation Mediation surcharge is another fee many carriers are considering tacking onto tickets.
“It’s not that the airlines need more money,” Wingspan said. “It’s that the executives at these airlines need more money. And if that means we need to charge passengers both an ARM and a LEG fees, we’ll do it.”
