Don’t get your panties in a bunch, fellow readers. These are not your geriatric Depends. Welcome the advent of a new era, a time in which suitcases will be lighter and laundry woes will be quelled. Say hello to your newest little friend: the disposable panty.

That’s right…I said (wrote) disposable. LeBrief panties, made by DNA Products, are brief-cut underwear that consist of “extra-soft” (read: scratchy) polypropylene material to help “wick away perspiration and moisture” while you are camping, hiking, and yes, even riding a horse. The panties are odor, stain and mildew-resistant, all of which can be categorized under the mental filing cabinet labeled “TMI.” I mean, really, ladies, when you’re in Victoria’s Secret scrounging for panties during their semi-annual sale, do you think, “Will these help aid in the prevention of mildew and odor?” If you do, not only do I fear you, but I’ll send you a pair of LeBriefs for free.

Make no mistake: These will not help in seducing a man, although they do come in a thong version. But any man that is actually turned on by seeing a woman in a disposo-thong is a man that should be featured on the “Do Not Fly” list by the TSA or perhaps the FBI’s Most Wanted, and not in a good way.

In fact, you really shouldn’t let anyone see you in these, dead or alive. I shudder to think of my turgid corpse being wheeled into an emergency room, my body disrobed, only to hear the amused laughter coming from the gaggle of nurses surrounding me: (“What the hell? What is this, Star Trek? Why would any woman in her right mind wear these? Couldn’t she afford regular panties? Poor girl. Well, at least they were clean and mildew-free.”) And I would be defenseless, without counsel, unable to tell them that I was only trying to travel lightly while saving Mother Earth in the process— no water, no wash, no hassle!

I must admit, I was impressed by their attempt, however feeble, at trying to make these panties a bit more fashionable by adding an electric, 1980’s pink pico-trimmed waistband. I felt a bit like Cyndi Lauper in them, time after time. Another added benefit was the 100% comfy cotton crotch liner to make it seem like you’re wearing the real deal. But after giving my dispo-briefs a test run of all-day wear, I never forgot that these things weren’t the real McCoy. The material felt like I was wearing a hospital gown just around my privates, and slight chafing was involved. And I would argue that DNA Products should not encourage prospective panty buyers to wear disposo-briefs to the spa. Upon disrobing, you will either be laughed at by fellow spa sisters and/or quickly ushered out of the establishment. Just go commando.

All in all, I give LeBriefs an “A” for effort and idea; “C-“ for execution. They are lightweight, easy to pack, and darn convenient. Just set ‘em and forget ‘em, as Ron Popeil would say, if your crotch was a chicken. Your briefcase will thank you in the end.