And the recent announcement by Evil Spirits Airlines to begin charging people for

Want to know what you're taking? Fold it up and lay it out, all of it, then decide what you need, before you stuff it into your bag.

using the overhead baggage bins (up to $45) has made everyone rethinking their packing skills.

If you need proof, the next time you’re on a plane just look at all of the junk your fellow passengers are lugging around. It’s a phenomenon I’ve never understood. If you’re trying to get away, to see some place new, why are you bringing all of your stuff with you? It’s only slowing you down, literally.

After years of travelling, I can honestly say I could leave my house today with a fresh pair of socks and a second set of boxers and be gone for as long as the journey allows me. My packing list for a seven month trip to Israel, Egypt, Greece and Turkey – and I didn’t know where exactly I was going when I left – amounted to the following (some of which I was wearing):

2 pairs of trousers; 2 button down shirts (one long sleeve, one short sleeve); 3 T-shirts; 1 pair swimming trunks; 1 pair hiking shorts; 1 pair sandals ; 1 pair of boots; 1 light jacket; 3 pairs of socks; 3 pairs of boxers; 1 wool hat; 1 lightweight sleeping bag; 1 guidebook to Israel; basic toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, deodorant, plasters, small sewing kit); Ziplock bags; flashlight; pocket knife (with corkscrew); 20-foot length of rope; and a camera.

If I’d wanted to, I could have cut that list down even more. But I’m not a minimalist, I’m just lazy. So anything I can do to lighten my load, I do.

A small handy bag is always more useful because it limits what you can bring before you pack the first item.

There is nothing other than medication which keeps you from dying that is really necessary.

Over-packing is a disease caused by people over-worrying. When you’re going to new places and only meeting strangers, you don’t need to impress them with all of your outfits. Most strangers will never remember what you wore – honestly, they probably won’t remember you at all.

My tips for packing start before you even pull your bag out:

1. Know where you’re going: Take a look online at the weather forecast for your destination. If rain is likely, an umbrella or rain gear might be necessary. Look at the temperature highs and lows and then add / deduct five degrees to that, meaning you’ll have something to keep you comfortable no matter what happens. Look for things you don’t need, instead of what you do.
2. Pack the right bag: People will fill whatever bag they have in front of them. If the bag is smaller, they will pack less, so don’t take a steamer trunk when you’re going away for the weekend.
3. Write a list: It takes two minutes to think through your trip – even one without an itinerary – and to conjure up everything you want to take with you. Think through the activities you’re likely to do. A fancy dinner? Beach lounging? Coffee shop smoking? Take the right clothes, and see if some items might be able to serve more than one purpose.
4. Plan on buying stuff: Cash and credit cards are much lighter than shirts, shoes or anything else. You can shed pounds in your bag if you’re planning to buy a few things on your journey. Additionally, those purchases will stay with you when you return – a friendly reminder of your time abroad.
5. View everything: Pull out everything that you want to pack and put it on your bed. If the pile is too big, then ask yourself: “Do I need this?” If you have to really think about it, you probably don’t. Also, include the clothes you’re going to wear to the airport – and make those your heaviest items.
6. Be decisive: Just make up your mind, and never pack two things because you couldn’t choose between them. If you ever arrive home with clean clothes, you over-packed. Don’t let that happen again.

Paring back your packing list will lighten your load – and just in case something happens and you end up lugging your bag around for a few hours, you’ll be grateful for everything you didn’t bring.

HTG is actually on vacation: This story is from our best of files. This story originally ran April 10, 2010. 

Editor’s Note: Hipster Travel Guide first published this piece at Cheapflights.co.uk.

Back in the day, way back when it was fun to fly and TSA didn’t mean anything, airlines used to hand out headphones, serve meals and provide pillows to passengers for free. They charged $5 for cocktails and cash was king. Life was carefree and everyone looked forward to a flight.

Oh, how things change. Airlines went fee crazy, charging passengers for almost everything except air. The TSA was introduced and quickly morphed into the Gestapo. And, during the same time the airlines got into the business of nickel and diming passengers, the airlines also stopped taking cash.

Citing the difficulty of handling cash, airlines opted for wireless credit card swipe machines because they’re more efficient and so easy to handle. It’s either that, or they just don’t trust flight attendants with cash. Either way, it’s kind of crappy.

Crappy enough for one man to sue Continental Airlines. Michael W. Rosen is suing after having been “deprived of in flight entertainment and a cocktail” after he packed his credit cards in his checked luggage and found that the headphones he purchased on another Continental flight the year before did not fit into the headphone jack on this flight.

After flight attendants refused his cash for a drink and headphones, Rosen, flying from Hawaii to Newark, had enough time to develop his next move. Suing the airline.

His case cites breach of contract, false advertising, violation of the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act and unlawful discrimination against individuals who do not physically possess a debit or credit card. Rosen is suing for an undisclosed amount for in both punitive and compensatory damages. He’s also suing for emotional distress and mental anguish. If his case moves forward, he looks to turn this into a class action lawsuit.

So, if you’ve been on a flight and thought you needed that $5.00 bag of M&Ms only to have had your cash rejected, take heart. You could join the lawsuit.

A TSA agent told one black woman being searched that they had started searching all women with big hair, according to The Times.

So is there a gun in that bun? Not likely, but learning about this new threat  might explain all of the longer lines at airports in New Jersey. It doesn’t make much sense anywhere else.

TSA told the Times that it is just doing its job, which of course, makes it alright. Nothing has been reportedly found in anyone’s hair.

FAA Taxes start up again

to pay attention to taking care of the FAA, who is overall supervisor of taxes that the federal government places on airline tickets. These are historically collected by the airlines and the FAA personnel assigned to that section see to the transfer. However, since the FAA doesn’t have a new budget to provide funding for these people they’ve stopped collecting the taxes on the tickets. At first this was reported as a coming windfall for travelers and some airlines reported increased calls to their reservations centers. So far so good.

But…along comes the eagerly-awaited day and lo and behold, Spirit (of all carriers), Virgin America and Alaska stopped collecting the tax, although since then, Virgin has started up again, advising its passengers they may be entitled to a refund from the federal government. But what about the other “customer-friendly” U.S. carriers? True to their grubby, evil ways they have been pocketing the money, which has turned into a nice little (?) windfall for them. In their own sick minds they’re justifying it by saying the money is desperately needed to offset the quickly rising cost of jet fuel. Hey…I’m only a hard, but poor-working journalist but I have a suggestion for this pap…STOP MAKING AIRLINERS WAIT ON THE TARMAC FOR SOMEONE TO COME OUT AND MOVE EQUIPMENT THAT’S BLOCKING THE GATE!!! I haven’t been on a flight in months that we haven’t had to either wait for a blocked gate to be cleared…or a marshaling team come out to guide us in. What, they weren’t expecting a flight to come in as scheduled?

Over the last few years the airlines have found more creative ways to make money than Heidi Fleiss did when she ran a passel of call girls. They now charge for everything from blankets to checked baggage to water – and everything in-between. I’m sure they all have Cray SuperComputers working 24/7 to come up with new sources of revenue – no matter how absurd-sounding they may be. Can you imagine their glee at having a mountain of cash laid at their doorstep like they have this past week from ticket taxes? Their financial people must be hyperventilating.

Instead of groveling around like some third-world bazaar vendors why won’t air transportation executives put their (alleged) collective wisdom towards promoting good will, which in turn promotes customer loyalty? Unfortunately for the cabin crews, it’s they who are in the forefront of passenger anger. We’ve all encountered attitude no matter how understanding we are. While flight attendants are trying to put on something of a sincere smile greeting passengers as they enter the aircraft door – and not getting paid until the aircraft pushes back from the gate – the people responsible for this Dachau of a work environment are at the gym or enjoying a latte at their desks while no doubt digging up new sources of revenue.

I have always been under the mistaken impression that air travel is a customer service business. Silly me, huh? If it were, there wouldn’t be 43 rows on an aircraft that was designed for 25-30. There wouldn’t be 10 seats across a wide-bodied aircraft that was designed for 8 or 9. There wouldn’t be a shrinking first-class cabin that allows fewer frequent flyers – the cash cow for airlines – to get much-deserved and even more-needed upgrades. Case in point…Delta Air Lines. Delta is or has removed one row of first-class on many of its Airbus A320s and A319s. These two aircraft types have been as close to passenger-friendly airliners as exists anymore. However, they’re also removing the rear galley and as a result they’ll be able to put in 14 more coach seats. (If they’re really sincere about ruining the lives of their customers they might be able to fit in 54 more seats if they sharpen up their pencils and remove a lavatory or two.)

So now we’re back to the FAA taxes. I read this morning where Delta alone has taken in about $2 million or more from collected taxes that are not going towards ticket price reduction (and thus, passenger service). Personally, I don’t see any difference in what Delta and their gang of thieves are doing than following some poor quadriplegic in a motorized wheel chair when
all-of-a-sudden a $50 bill flies out of his pocket and lands at Delta’s feet. Since he can’t feel anything from the waist down (we’ll call him Ed) Ed has no idea his only money that has to last him for three weeks to buy food and medicine slipped out of his pocket. Anybody short of Saddam Hussein would pick up the money and hand it back that poor bastard (or at least put it in Ed’s pocket). Not most members of the Air Transport Association of America. They’re not trained to think that way. With that $50 they can buy a round of drinks for the executive polo club.

My advice for the airlines is to show some decency and discretion instead of balls. It will go a lot farther in the long run and be more palatable to your customers. Found money doesn’t mean necessarily your money.

Al often garners good will from others by not running them over. See who he doesn’t run over next week right here.

But another Colorado emerges during the summer months, a bi-polar state whose winter persona sheds its thick layers to uncover a lighter, brighter side, filled with lush hiking paths, terminally blue skies, and vibrant carpets of wildflowers—yes, actual flowers—that you’d never think would have the chance to bloom after weeks of relentless sub-zero winters.

Down the mountain

“Have you mountain biked before?” Dave, the instructor, asked us. We, a group of writers/riders, were on assignment to cover (and experience) the annual the annual Crankworx Colorado Freeride Mountain Bike Festival in Winter Park, featuring the best free-ride mountain bikers from around the world competing in a weekend of slope-style, downhill, dual slalom and cross country events. We were decked out in heavy-duty biking gear—helmet, chest plates, knee guards—and looked like a rogue squad of Storm Troopers, helplessly lost in a forest, far from the Death Star.

Everyone in the group nodded yes, except me.

Mad air at Crankworx slope-style finals

“I’ve been mountain biking, but only on flat trails,” I said. Kansas-flat trails, adorned with strategically-placed, manicured rocks buffed daily by park rangers.

Dave looked at me. I could tell his mental gears were spinning, already anticipating CPR and related rescue techniques he’d used on dilettantes like me.

“So, you’ve never done this,” he said, pointing up to the lift, hoisting riders and their bikes up into the clouds.

I stared at his helmet, adorned with images of bare-breasted women clutching double-neck guitars, and suddenly felt petrified, like a kid who’s just realized his mother is no longer at his side in the department store. I wanted nothing more than to go back to my room, have a good cry, and sleep til morning.

I had to save face. “I know how to bike,” I said, matter-of-factly, my dignity waning.

“Not like this,” he replied.

*****

I’ve come to learn that there are two kinds of mountain biking: the kind where you hop on your polished Cannondale and go for a spin over a series of bumpy rocks on a relatively flat course near your house and come home feeling refreshed and outdoorsy, and the other kind, the Real Deal kind, where you heave your bike onto a ski lift, ride to the top of a mountain, and proceed to bargain with God that if you get down in one piece from the mountain, you’ll proceed to do whatever it is you haven’t been doing—church, more time with the kids, whatever—after you enjoy a nice, long rest and a tall, frosty beverage.

A new respect has emerged for the brave few who’ve had a chance at descending thousands of vertical feet on a bike. It takes balance, and lots of it, and a willingness to accept and confront the frailty of life head on, and one thing no one ever told me: you never really sit. The seat is there as fodder; you’re standing the whole time, balancing your weight on the pedals in a precarious dance of flat feet to dropped heels, bent elbows, and eyes focused on the curve ahead, never directly in front of your wheel. Sage advice if you don’t want to flip ass-over-handlebars and land in a tree.

The author, right, with fellow Troopers Jenny Willden and Hal Amen

Dave, the former pro biker, kept drilling into our heads the importance of injuring the bike before injuring yourself, and the need to “Eye the turn” over and over again, and yet, in a nonsensical display of altitude-induced delusion or simple ignorance, I decided to test his expertise and avert my gaze directly above my wheel at one point during a dicey turn. (I tend to challenge authority.) Just then, a meteoric boulder placed itself under my front wheel. Panicking, I fishtailed through the turn with my feet on the ground, a hail-Mary, Fred Flintstone scramble to save life and limb. (It worked, and no one saw. Bonus.)

We made it back to base camp, descending roughly 1,7000 vertical feet with no broken bones or equipment—triple bonus—and rewarded ourselves by biking fast and reckless through the village base camp, albeit on flat terrain.

Off the mountain

If mountain biking is too much reality for your TV show, there are tons of other outdoor activities to enjoy: the Alpine Slide at Winter Park Resort (Colorado’s longest slide, with two tracks: beginner and advanced—with speeds up to 35 mph); white water rafting from nearby Kremmling down the Colorado River, from mild to wild rides; guided horseback ridingthrough forested trails and meadows along the Fraser River; or self-guided hikes at nearby Creekside/Flume Tr

The Alpine Slide at Winter Park Resort

ail along the scenic St. Louis Creek, where we caught sight of “moose movement” in the nearby brush.

Save the date!

Next year’s Crankworx Mountain Bike Festival is scheduled for July 5-8, 2012 at Winter Park Resort in Winter Park, Colorado.

Special thanks to Gaylene Ore of Ore Communications, Kristyna Nedele of the Winter Park-Fraser Valley Chamber of Commerce, and Mistalynn Lee of Winter Park Resort, for their hospitality in hosting HTG at Crankworx. 

Photos by Gayle McCarthy.

It hates it — it loves it.

The government wants people to quit, but it also wants a certain amount to keep smoking, as cigarette smokers pay a lot of bills with all of the taxes hit upon them.

Big Tobacco — a phrase often used to described these businesses — are evil. They are good. They are drug dealers, they are saviors for many states, paying out billions. They are the first group to be sued by consumers because of all of the evil they have perpetrated on an unsuspecting group of people.

Anyway, smoking is bad for you. Seriously, it is. And if the government really wants to save you, it would simply make smoking illegal. Drinking should be illegal too. And driving. And walking. And watching television. And just living will eventually lead to death.

And now, the government wants to put ugly pictures on cigarette packs to remind you how evil smoking really is. (We’ve included all 9 of the potential photos to be put on the pics.)

Of course, no one is sure how much more this will stop people from smoking, as most smokers don’t puff on a cigarette and gaze at the pack. These photos will likely make nonsmokers feel better about themselves though.

As for smokers, our answer is pretty simple. Buy a cigarette case — then you can decide what photos you want to look at.  They range in price from a few dollars to hundreds. Plus, just like dragging on a smokey treat on a street corner, they look pretty cool.

Now, check out the photos that will be reaching a cigarette pack near you.

Spirit introduces its new smaller planes for passengers.

airline to come up with any additional source of underhanded revenue I’m proven wrong.” It should be no surprise that the latest salvo of greed comes from none-other than the Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves at Spirit Airlines. Just what in Christ’s name do those people do…spend their evenings in a Chinese opium den dreaming up ways to inflict new financial pinpricks on prospective customers? As has been suggested by others damn near as conspiratorial as me…is Spirit Airlines really a wholly-owned spear of the airline industry whose actual existence is to throw out these despicable financial machinations and see how far they can go before the traveling public has finally had enough and attacks them with a chant of “Death by Chi Chi”? What else could it be?

Before I go deeper into a tangent of “What Spirit Airlines Means to Me” I should state the reason for this column. Last week, Spirit announced it will charge a $5 fee for passengers who ask an agent to print their boarding pass at the airport and starting next summer, boarding passes at airport kiosks will cost $1. They’ll be the first U.S. carrier to charge a boarding pass fee. However, Spirit’s evil twin, Irish-based Ryanair, has a similar, though more expensive policy.

And what is the benevolent Spirit going to do for its customers in return for this windfall? Why…they’re going to lower fares on all nonstop flights by $5 each way. According to the Great Oz at Spirit, customers prefer lower fares in exchange for checking in online. Spirit’s president, Ben “Balls” Baldanza says, “We want to give passengers the ability to choose the extras they want without forcing them to pay for add-ons they don’t want or need. By lowering the fare for everyone and then charging only those who choose for us to print their boarding pass we let the customer decide. It’s all about consumer choice?” I have one question to ask you, Balls…are you saying this with a straight face? The last time I was faced with this much bullshit was the day I spent at Joanie Baird’s farm in Boone Grove, Indiana. The first nanosecond after the kiosk charge is enacted there will be a $20 fare increase by most, if not all airlines. And there will be Spirit, sitting in the Nest of Greed like baby robins with their beaks open trying to catch a worm from Mommy.

First this airline starts charging for checked luggage. Then they start charging for their meager food selection. Then they start charging for carry-on luggage. Now they’re going to charge for printing out tickets for passage their customers have paid plenty for to sit in their cramped seats. I’m telling you, people…buying passes for the lavatories are just around the corner. Ryanair already floated a trial balloon of having so many seats crowded into their aircraft that in essence, their passengers are standing up. Basically it seems like Ryanair is the Viagra and Spirit Airlines is the erection.

There was once a time when Spirit was the little airline that could. Its gestation began in the Detroit suburb of Eastpointe (once called East Detroit until the citizens didn’t want to be included in anything that sounded like it was part of Detroit) and it was the David to (then) Northwest’s Goliath. It gradually picked up a following and when its ownership became tired of cold weather and snow they moved the airline’s home office to Ft. Lauderdale. It must be there that the melt-down of anything decent and homespun started to deteriorate. And let’s not forget the thimble’s full of goodwill it picked up during its pilot strike a year or two ago. Bernie Madoff would have had a better reception at the Academy Awards than Spirit’s invisible management had during that period.

Spirit has a nice, modern fleet of Airbus aircraft. But an all-first-class 747 wouldn’t make up for shoddy treatment of its customers. You don’t have to be a detective assigned to Law & Order SVU to hate the sight of people – men and women – being raped. You can be just as violated from a fee structure as you can from a throbbing Johnson. People work hard for their money and to be constantly and incessantly chiseled by a cash-eating Grinch makes me wonder if the fabric of Spirit’s passenger seats has just as much blood in it as a new prisoner’s mattress has as he awakens during his first morning with his cellmate.

I understand rising costs – particularly for fuel. But airlines lost me a long time ago when the hypocrisy they displayed became too much. They bitch about their horrendous fuel costs…but will burn 5-10 minutes worth of it waiting for some ground personnel to hike their ass over to the gate and move some equipment that’s blocking it. What’s the shock…they didn’t expect an airplane to arrive? When they finally do show up to eventually marshal the aircraft to the jetway they always seem to be walking at the pace of Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump. Furthermore, more times than not they are hitching up their pants. What’s that all about…have they been taken over by their own demons?

I have a suggestion for Spirit’s management team. If you really want to do something for your customers…stop doing something TO your customers.

Al has never paid for a boarding pass to be printed or to check his bag or even tipped the shuttle driver. See how cheap he is every Monday, right here.

What I want to know is who wrote that book? Well, the TSA, of course.

Today’s story in ridiculous moments with the TSA are brought to you by the TSA, Jean Weber and her 95 year old mother, traveling from Florida to Michigan in mid June. Weber’s mother, who is dying from Leukemia, was coasting through security in her wheel chair and was flagged for a pat down due to, well, being in a wheel chair.

That’s understandable. The metal of the wheel chair sets off the metal detector. It’s a common flaw with metal detectors, detecting metal. Alert TSA agents were all over it and whisked her away to an area partitioned off for privacy to give her a pat down. Their concern? She might have had a knife or a gun stashed away since she has nothing left to live for anyway. Right?

picture from butyoudontlooksick.com

So, after the normal pat down, Weber’s mother was taken to a private room for a more invasive search. As the search proceeded, TSA agents came out and asked Weber to take her mother’s Depends diaper off because she had soiled herself and it was impeding their search.

What, exactly, happened in that room?

The TSA, after having received a complaint from Weber about the treatment of her mother, stuck to their plastic badges, releasing the following statement: “TSA cannot exempt any group from screening because we know from intelligence that there are terrorists out there that would then exploit that vulnerability.”

The TSA supports the theory that terrorists trolling senior homes, senior centers and parks looking for dying invalids who have nothing left to live for. All the terrorists have to do is offer up an airline ticket to a wheelchair bound oldie, stash guns, knives or bombs on the chair and voila! a new terrorist is born.

Weber is not satisfied with the thought that her government (the one she pays taxes to in order to fund the TSA) literally scared the shit out of her 95 year old dying mother. She plans on filing more complaints next week.

But before we reveal these essential travel necessities, we were happy to hear that travel is expected to be up this summer. That’s good news — as it could mean ticket prices will stabilize and not sky rocket following volatile fuel prices. (35 million Americans are expected to travel this coming Memorial Day weekend)

Federal Aviation Administrator Randy Babbitt said, “We’re calling on passengers to take an active role in aviation safety,” and then basically paraphrased flight attendant’s speeches before takeoff.

Here are the tips, according to the FAA blog.

• Pay attention to the flight attendant safety briefing at the beginning of your flight and read the safety briefing card.
• Buckle up. Keep you and your family safe by wearing a seat belt at all times while seated.
• Use an approved child safety seat or device if your child weighs less than 40 pounds.
• Prevent in-flight injuries by following your airline’s carry-on restrictions.
• When it’s time, turn off your personal electronic device.

We’re surprised that they didn’t tell us to take a few minutes and read that In Case of Emergency pamphlet in the seat pocket. There’s no word yet if the FAA will begin a Ticket or Click It campaign, putting air marshal’s to work as well.

In any case, despite the silly blog post by Babbit’s people (we don’t think he actually wrote it), we wish everyone well on their summer travels.

HTG has already planned one trip to Vegas — as everyone should go there at least once a year and we’re looking a European vacation this fall. If we haven’t told you before, we’ll tell you right now, shoulder months rock when it comes to big trips.

Last week, HotelTonight added Las Vegas to its growing list of cities on its app.

Now, if you’re not familiar with the HotelTonight app — it’s a pretty cool little gizmo (more than 350,000 people have downloaded the app since it launched in January).

The Vegas addition (the lucky 13th city) makes more sense than all of the other cities combined — as this is the place that more than a few people have found themselves stranded, drunk and only one good credit card left in their pocket. HotelTonight prospective hotels include Caesars Palace, Trump International Hotel, The Palms and Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

Other cities on the app include: New York, LA, San Francisco, Chicago, Boston, DC, Seattle, Miami, Atlanta, Phily and Dallas. All of them offer the same plan for the app.

Here’s how it works:

At noon each day, you can pull up three last minute hotel deals for each city. The deals are good until 2 a.m. (The deals are broken down into three categories: Hip, Luxury and the one you’ll book, Cheap.)

You can download the app here for an iPhone. (If you have an Android, you can download it as well, but we’re pseudo hipsters, so we only deal with iPhones.)