You know your country’s in dietary straits when the instructional food pyramid suddenly disappears like a Copperfield sarcophagus and—poof!—magically morphs into a plate. It’s the USDA’s answer to the failed Egyptian triangle stuffed with loin chops and yogurt, originally meant to instruct the general public on what to eat and how much each day,...
Not yet eligible for a senior discount at the grocery store, I still enjoy the occasional early-bird special at The Golden Corral and going for long, leisurely drives when the mood strikes. I’m getting older but am not yet old, meaning I drive at or above the speed limit and can still see over...
Nothing rivals the thrill of riding in the back seat of a taxi in Manhattan. I’ve parasailed, ziplined, swam with sharks, and inhaled Pixy Stix through my nose, but all these adventures pale in comparison to the cocktail of fear and adrenaline mixed at the hands of a sleep-deprived, hyper-caffeinated New York cab driver....
We all read it, but rarely order from it. It’s the guiltiest of all publication pleasures aboard an aircraft, the George W. Bush-approved literary work of modern times. It’s mindless entertainment for when you have to power down your phone or laptop, and indulge yourself in the voyeuristic pleasure of eyeing some really pointless—and...
The audacity of hope. That’s what I cling to each and every time I approach the snaking queue that is airport security: the unabashed hope that I will sail through Checkpoint Charlie without getting stuck behind a baby stroller or wheelchair or otherwise non-traveler who doesn’t know what a Ziploc is. It’s a game...
We’ve brought it upon ourselves, fellow travelers. We’ve readily—and rightfully—earned the title, “Ugly Americans.” It’s not simply because we yell into our BlackBerrys while visiting the Sistine Chapel or drool fried Oreos down the front of our wife beaters as we peruse paintings in the Louvre. We’ve gone beyond the realm of ruining foreign...
It’s getting ugly out there. First, it was flight attendant Steve Slater’s award-winning tirade and dramatic escape via emergency slide with a few beers for the road. Now, it’s Joe Q. Public’s turn. This past weekend, a California man was on his way to a hunting trip with his father when he opted for...
There’s nothing worse than an airplane bathroom except an airplane bathroom with urine puddles on the floor and little droplets marking the seat. I get that it’s a small, cramped space, and sometimes turbulence makes going a little more challenging. But the hole’s big enough to hit the target each time, assuming the armed...
Just when we thought it was safe to trust in the economy again—things are looking up, they told us; people are spending more—an ugly truth emerged from the seat pocket in front of me: I noticed that the plane’s air sick bags (a.k.a. barf bags) were quickly disappearing. At first, I assumed the cleaning...
The witching hour is quickly approaching so we decided to combine a couple of popular costumes for women all in one. We’re not even including the cliche French maid, sexy devil or cheerleader outfits that are both demeaning and really hot. Instead, we did some comprehensive research (read: Google) and came up with a...
