Bode this or Lindsay that (they’re skiiers) and then there’s the ice dancing, ice hockey, ice curling, guys that look like gals and gals who look like guys — hey, it’s the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

Naturally, you weren’t able to actually go to the Pacific Northwest and bask in Olympic glory because of the expensive plane tickets, lack of accommodations under $500 a night and the fact you should have made reservations six years ago.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t tell people you went to “The Games” — walking into work next Monday with some understated Olympic paraphernalia talk about how great the pubs were along Granville Street.

Here are a few things you can try saying:

“OMG, I was drinking beer with a few Ukrainians and some Germans and all of sudden, Bode Miller came into the bar with his wife and daughter, that baby is so cute.”

“Opening ceremonies were awesome. I couldn’t get a ticket to the venue but watched it in the Gaslight District — it’s such a cool place with all of the bars and eateries — I couldn’t believe that the one leg to the torch wouldn’t open up. But later, I saw Wayne Gretsky light up the outdoor torch.”

“I took the most awesome pictures of Whistler Mountain when I was up there to see Shaun “the Animal” White win the snowboarding gold. He was like 100 feet above the tube.”

“Man, I wish I could get some Poutine, I could go for some cheese curds and gravy right now.”

If anyone asks about the weather just say you thought it would be colder — as Vancouver is undergoing its warmest winter in 114 years.

Depending upon who wins what — as you don’t want to be associated with a loser — here’s what we’d recommend to pull off your grand lie:

Canadian mittens: As seen on TV. $10 and make sure to tell people you bought the Hudson Bay original mittens only sold in Vancouver during “the games.” That’s not really true, but it makes them sound more authentic.

Hockey Jersey: $400: Tell everyone you were at the Canada/USA game and couldn’t believe the Americans pulled off the big upset.What a game, U-S-A, U-S-A!

Olympic Program in French: $17.95: This is something that you’ll want to leave laying around your house after you rough up a few pages, maybe add a few faux autographs from random Olympians — make sure to use a Sharpie — and then just say, “Oh that? Yeah, I wanted something to remember my time at the Olympics but all of the English ones were sold out. I didn’t even know it was French until I sobered up the next morning. That night, I think I understood French.”

So enjoy the lie and if you tell it long enough — not only will people believe you were at the games, you might start to believe it too.

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Whistler Blackcomb announced yesterday that it would be open for business by Sunday, now that it has collected more than a 60 inch base on about 90 percent of its trails. The resort, which is one of the venues for the Olympics next year, still has a number of deals through out the season.

If you book before Sunday (Nov. 15) rooms are $84 a night ($88 Canadian) and the price includes lift tickets.

While we haven’t skied the slopes there, looking through the Whistler website, we certainly think we should dust off our goggles and figure out how to get there.

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Paul Done, a spokesman for the hotel, told Hipster Travel Guide that “most of the steps to prevent H1Ni are up to the individual — frequent hand washing, avoiding higher-risk environments.” However, the alcohol-based sanitizer will provide an other level of protection.

Naturally, just alcohol swabs are too much for the delicate skin of St. Regis guests, so aloe has been added to the pen to keep the skin silky smooth.

The hotel is sprinkling the pens all over the place, providing them to guests, in th rooms and if you need more, the front desk will hand the out free of charge.

Having stayed in a St. Regis (the one in San Francisco), we’re surprised that swine flu would even be able to get in the lobby. Pigs rarely make the menu at such a nice place. So don’t let the hysterical state of Porkademic, solutions abound.

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If you’re heading out today, check the FAA website. Hurricane Bill is heading into Canada, where eventually it will refill the polar ice cap and single handedly stop global warming.

Sunday night, both people flying out of Nova Scotia were expected to have their flight delayed. Local fisherman were also upset as the screen play to The Perfect Storm has already been sold and their  planned one way fishing expedition was now pointless

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While it’s fun to watch Al Roker get blown off of a roof top, or some other sucker standing in torrential downpours, a real traveler looks for that silver lining in the eye of the storm.

Sure Hurricane Bill is going to hit land somewhere in up Labrador, according to the Weather.com, but that’s Canada and once it devastates that region, we’re not likely to hear much about it.

But the upside to a category 3 storm is that the entire Eastern Seaboard is going to see radical big waves and crystal clear weather. Check out Surf.com for big wave reports and where to catch a few lessons.

Miami for the next few days is going to be a tropical bliss. Washington is going to be sunny and calm. Even the Big Apple’s concrete jungle will be disturbingly calm in the coming days.

See, hurricanes, as they gather strength, suck up all of the surrounding weather systems — growing during the process. So now is not the time to stock up on emergency supplies, it’s time to book a flight down south and enjoy. When Mother Nature gives Canada lemons, we should just make lemon shots.

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