Not so for twenty-nine-year old Jaeger Mah, a blogger based in the Vancouver area who recently—and willingly— won a contest to stay overnight for eighty evenings at the Vancouver International Airport.

Mah competed against 96 other entries in the “Live@YVR” (Vancouver’s airport code) contest to celebrate the airport’s 80^th anniversary. His video entry was the most popular, and Mah was declared the official winner with 4,128 votes.

While a guest at YVR, Mah will take a behind-the-scenes look at the mysteries of airport life, from tracking down missing and lost luggage to exclusive access to unauthorized locations.

He won’t be sleeping on the airport floor, though. His new home away from home will be at the upscale Fairmont Vancouver International Hotel, with floor-to-ceiling views of the runway from his comfy suite.

Even with the nice digs, it’s no walk in the park: Mah has to endure 12 straight weeks of consuming airport food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, not to exceed $50 per day on meals.

Mah’s airport adventure begins August 17^th.

Vancouver before the riot - From the new Facebook "Post Riot Cleanup"

Last evening, the Vancouver Canucks lost at home in game seven of the Stanley Cup finals to the Boston Bruins. Call this a rematch of Canada vs. the USA in 2010′s winter Olympic games, and this time, the USA won.

After losing, the Canucks shook the Bruins’ hands and skated off the ice. The Vancouver crowd cheered and showed the Bruins respect as the Conn Smyth trophy was awarded to Tim Thomas, the Bruins goalie, and the Stanley Cup was presented to Bruins Captain, Zdeno Chara, who, in the tradition of the Stanley Cup, skated with it and passed it off to the other players on the team to celebrate.

How many guys have put their lips on this trophy? Photo from Bruins.nhl.com

This year, NBC managed to curse the Canucks by announcing continuously throughout the finals that anytime a Canadian Olympic team won the Olympics, the following year a Canadian team would win the Stanley Cup. The Canucks were destined to win. Even game seven was at home in Vancouver. Nothing could go wrong. But it did.

The Canucks lost without scoring one goal in the final game. And what was going on outside? Chaos. Riots. And lots of damage to anything in the Canucks fan’s way.

Sore loser fans overturned cars, smashed windows of stores and generally acted like idiots. Cars were set ablaze and after the store windows were smashed in, the looting started. Really, what the hooligans should have done is overturn an NBC truck or two for having caused the loss in the first place.

All ready, Vancouverites (Vancouverians?) are cleaning up, with a Facebook site called “Post Riot Cleanup – Lets Help Vancouver” which will coordinate cleanup activities for residents of Vancouver today though Saturday. Over 10,000 people have said they’ll help in cleanup efforts, but it’s easy to commit on Facebook and then not attend.

Part of this is due to us have day jobs and social lives and things like that. It can make life pretty hectic and, well, we’ll miss stuff.

For example on Tuesday, Tricia Helfer, a star on Battlestar Galatica (the new version, not the old one) and the TV show Burn Notice, found herself stretching down in Irvine, Calif., while visualizing she was in Alberta, Canada. (A bunch of people in Cali got T-shirts and water bottles just for talking about it — we didn’t.)

The idea behind the program was to promote some of the special travel packages offered in Alberta. And for that, we’ll give them credit, as we’re now talking about Alberta.

The heli-yoga vacation is one of just many cool ideas, where you can loosen up — literally — and as you perform the sitting dog on a mountain top after a 30 minute helicopter ride, you can visualize a sweaty gym where that guy from accounting attempts stretches right in front of you.

But really, the itinerary is pretty cool — though a bit pricey. This particular package, called the Natural Namaste, costs $1799 (Canadian dollars), and includes three nights in Hotel Arts in a luxury suite, a tasty raw bar breakfast — which we’re guessing is not an Irish fry — a 30 minute helicopter ride across the Canadian Rockies and a few other healthy surprises.

But really, it’s just one of the different vacation people can take in Alberta, according to the Alberta tourism website. There are also hiking vacations, cowboy vacations and horseback vacations. Check some of them out here.

So that’s why I passed on an invitation to attach a lift ticket for Marmot Basin to my jacket zipper and instead opted for explorations at the base of the mighty mountain. It was time to check out the town of Jasper in the Canadian national park that shares it name.

The morning opened its front door to a foot of the sparkly stuff, making skiers giddy, no doubt. But it also made wildlife-loving heart a flutter, for as a drove out of the swish Jasper Park Lodge (more on that later), there was scarcely a dining table-sized patch of snow that wasn’t criss-crossed with tracks. But first, breakfast.

Fuel Up with a Bear
A local told me the best bakery in town was the Bear’s Paw. He also told me the baker’s wife opened another bakery in town. She called it The Other Paw. I have no idea if this husband/wife tale is true, but the dude was right about the quality of the joint. I picked the healthy Morning Glory muffin with almonds, coconut, sunflower, carrots and who knows what else. It’s delish but I’m still hankering for those overflowing tarts—strawberry rhubarb, raspberry white chocolate, butter raisin and the list goes on. The fit foursome beside me are talking about making fresh tracks.

The Ones With the Golden Rump
We’re on the move with Fred, our guide from Sun Dog Tours. Fred came to Jasper in 1969, so he kind of knows the lay of the land. He promises we’ll see some wildlife. Four minutes  into our tour, he delivers by pointing out a bunch of mule deer on the hillside. A few minutes after that, Fred spots at least three dozen American elk on the side of the highway, threatening to cross. In Cree or Shawnee, they are called wapiti, which translates to ‘the ones with the golden rump’ and we can plainly see why.

Slip Slidin’ Away
For the second outdoorsy excursion of the day, our guide Wes from Jasper Adventure Centre drives up to the top of Maligne Canyon, but not before he’s outfitted us with strap-on cleats. We learn the canyon is part of a karst system that has caves above and below ground level. Sometimes water bubbles up so we can see it, and other times it flows mysterious below our feet. In winter, it makes for a beautifully uncertain path of ice, snow, blue water, slick rocks and spectacular icefalls.

We go down, down, down to the bottom where we shuffle along on the frozen river. At one point, Wes cautions us to stay to one side, because in the middle, there’s only a thin layer of ice covering a swirling, churning flow of water. It’s mesmerizing to follow the bubbles as they snake along. It’s also a reminder that we’re in the wilds here. It’s safety first, but the payoff is a huge bundle called The Great Canadian Experience.

Did Someone Say Spa?
The Jasper Park Lodge is the swankiest digs in town so it’s fitting that they recently pumped over $6 million into a spa redo. And what a redo it is! Lots of chic gray and white tiles softened up with driftwood artwork and chunky blankets in the relaxation room, a place where you can stare out at the lake, spruces and mountains, well, forever.

I opt for Reflections of Blue, a treatment where I am scrubbed, massaged and wrapped while resting on a heated spa table. I nearly burst into tears when Amanda whispered those fateful words—‘take your time getting off the table’. But, but, what if I don’t want to leave—ever?

A young Asian man disguised himself as an elderly senior and boarded a flight bound for Vancouver, Canada, from Hong Kong on an Air Canada flight. Authorities from the Border Services Officers apprehended him upon landing in Canada.

The plan was brilliantly simple: He flew with a disguise kit, complete with a silicone mask of an elderly white man, a brown cap, glasses and sweater.Witnesses claim he walked like an old man, but his hands were oddly young-looking.

Another tip off? He went to the bathroom as a wrinkled white man and—Shazaam!—emerged a youthful Asian man in his 20s. We know radiation ages you, but typically not in reverse. Ancient Chinese secret?

When asked why he flew in disguise, the man claimed he was seeking refugee protection. He was able to board the plane in Hong Kong by swapping boarding cards with another passenger, purportedly a U.S. citizen born in 1955, and used a frequent flier card, Aeroplan, as identification.

It’s a bit surprising that no one has tried this stunt before, and if they have, were able to pull it off successfully.

Now, if I could only find my clown suit and floppy red shoes…

Vancouver was named the best city in the Americas. Photo by Alexis Brett

We’ve always liked Vancouver. It’s one of the few cities in the world that actually makes you want to go for a hike or ski or just be outside.

Now, Conde Nast has given it the ultimate honor in the New World, naming it The Best City in the Americas,

A closer look at part of Vancouver's sky line. Photo by Alexis Brett.

according to a reader’s survey, which was announced last week and will appear in the November issue of Traveler magazine.

The reader survey is weighs a number of criteria to figure out the best city in the Americas, which is defined as places whose native population was killed by small pox in the 1600s.

“This award underscores our efforts to showcase our urban life, arts, spectacular sights and wide range of attractions, which make Vancouver an amazing vacation destination,” said Kevin Krueger, British Columbia’s Minister of Tourism, Culture and the Arts.

We couldn’t agree more.

First, you can’t get a DUI on a train, so adding a little flavor splash to my coffee is harmless and no one is the wiser. Also, I never have to find parking in a new city, though after experiencing Europe by train, my first impression of every city is that it smells like urine.

Second, pulling into a new city after driving eight hours on the road is exhausting — yes, you’re finally there, but now you need a nap.

So why not sleep on the way there. Train travel is one of the single best ways to tour the country for the lazy hipster on a muck about around a new land. It’s not always the fastest way — many times slower than driving, but who cares? There’s no security, people are friendlier and no train attendant has ever screamed at the top his lungs, burst open the emergency hatch and slide to freedom. Nope, not a-once.

So all of this hype comes on the heels that there are some seriously steep discounts on the Canadian Rail System. Tickets are up to 75 percent off. These kind of discounts can transform a quick jaunt into an exquisite trip. A three-day weekend in Toronto could now include an afternoon in Montreal ($59). Or you could take the long haul from Toronto and hit some place like Winnipeg ($205, regularly $805).

The possibilities are endless.

And perhaps that’s why I like train travel so much — there’s a romantic side to them that cars can not simulate. There’s a feeling you get when the train slows down and clunks to a stop in a new city. You’re starting off right in the heart of a city. There’s an energy no parking lot can replicate. The smell of fresh bread and people and opportunity.

Sure, there may be crack vials crunching under your feet, a brothel around the corner and homeless people fighting over steam vents, but that’s life too and all of it is rich and abundant and exhilerating.

Maybe it’s the extra flavor added to my coffee, but whatever it is, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Bode this or Lindsay that (they’re skiiers) and then there’s the ice dancing, ice hockey, ice curling, guys that look like gals and gals who look like guys — hey, it’s the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

Naturally, you weren’t able to actually go to the Pacific Northwest and bask in Olympic glory because of the expensive plane tickets, lack of accommodations under $500 a night and the fact you should have made reservations six years ago.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t tell people you went to “The Games” — walking into work next Monday with some understated Olympic paraphernalia talk about how great the pubs were along Granville Street.

Here are a few things you can try saying:

“OMG, I was drinking beer with a few Ukrainians and some Germans and all of sudden, Bode Miller came into the bar with his wife and daughter, that baby is so cute.”

“Opening ceremonies were awesome. I couldn’t get a ticket to the venue but watched it in the Gaslight District — it’s such a cool place with all of the bars and eateries — I couldn’t believe that the one leg to the torch wouldn’t open up. But later, I saw Wayne Gretsky light up the outdoor torch.”

“I took the most awesome pictures of Whistler Mountain when I was up there to see Shaun “the Animal” White win the snowboarding gold. He was like 100 feet above the tube.”

“Man, I wish I could get some Poutine, I could go for some cheese curds and gravy right now.”

If anyone asks about the weather just say you thought it would be colder — as Vancouver is undergoing its warmest winter in 114 years.

Depending upon who wins what — as you don’t want to be associated with a loser — here’s what we’d recommend to pull off your grand lie:

Canadian mittens: As seen on TV. $10 and make sure to tell people you bought the Hudson Bay original mittens only sold in Vancouver during “the games.” That’s not really true, but it makes them sound more authentic.

Hockey Jersey: $400: Tell everyone you were at the Canada/USA game and couldn’t believe the Americans pulled off the big upset.What a game, U-S-A, U-S-A!

Olympic Program in French: $17.95: This is something that you’ll want to leave laying around your house after you rough up a few pages, maybe add a few faux autographs from random Olympians — make sure to use a Sharpie — and then just say, “Oh that? Yeah, I wanted something to remember my time at the Olympics but all of the English ones were sold out. I didn’t even know it was French until I sobered up the next morning. That night, I think I understood French.”

So enjoy the lie and if you tell it long enough — not only will people believe you were at the games, you might start to believe it too.

Whistler Blackcomb announced yesterday that it would be open for business by Sunday, now that it has collected more than a 60 inch base on about 90 percent of its trails. The resort, which is one of the venues for the Olympics next year, still has a number of deals through out the season.

If you book before Sunday (Nov. 15) rooms are $84 a night ($88 Canadian) and the price includes lift tickets.

While we haven’t skied the slopes there, looking through the Whistler website, we certainly think we should dust off our goggles and figure out how to get there.

Paul Done, a spokesman for the hotel, told Hipster Travel Guide that “most of the steps to prevent H1Ni are up to the individual — frequent hand washing, avoiding higher-risk environments.” However, the alcohol-based sanitizer will provide an other level of protection.

Naturally, just alcohol swabs are too much for the delicate skin of St. Regis guests, so aloe has been added to the pen to keep the skin silky smooth.

The hotel is sprinkling the pens all over the place, providing them to guests, in th rooms and if you need more, the front desk will hand the out free of charge.

Having stayed in a St. Regis (the one in San Francisco), we’re surprised that swine flu would even be able to get in the lobby. Pigs rarely make the menu at such a nice place. So don’t let the hysterical state of Porkademic, solutions abound.